You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
