my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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