while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
