i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
