I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
