My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
