i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
