Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
