just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
