Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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