I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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