I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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