So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
