I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
