Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's paint friendship bongs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
