i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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