yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
