i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
