I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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