jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
