The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
