i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
