So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
