my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
