Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
