that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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