Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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