Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
