i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vodka?
Forever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
