do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
