I think I died a long time ago.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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