I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
