I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
