Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
