just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
