I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
