there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
