Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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