I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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