Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Help. Why am I so naked?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
