I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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