dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
MIDGETS
????
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
