I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
