Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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