i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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