so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
