yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
