Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
