im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
