I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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