he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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