I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
