i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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