i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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