That's intense
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
