New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
